For a while now, I have had the blues.
I’ve blamed coming back from a great time in DK for my ups and downs, but just pointing fingers doesn’t magically make things go right again, so I had to sit down with myself….
“What do you want?”
I want a lot of things out of life, but I knew what inner Me meant.
For years now, I wanted to go to Denmark. It was my goal, my dream, and I thought it would never happen. Which was convenient, since it kept the dream alive, and I didn’t have to search for another one…
Silly uh? But it is true.
It reminds me of many years ago… This is a bit of a sensitive subject, but younger me was morbidly obese, and after trying every way to get thinner by myself, I turned to bariatric surgery. The process takes years here in Québec, and I longed for the call telling me that I could finally get the surgery done…
When I was in my hospital gown, ready to go, I remember breaking into tears. My mom tried to comfort me, saying everything would go fine, that it’d be over in no time, and that I’d be home before I knew it (which didn’t quite happen that way, but that could be the subject of a whole series of posts, LOL).
The fact is, I was not afraid of the surgery the least bit. What I was afraid of, was not having that Holy Grail to hope for anymore… Waiting to be in that gown, on that gurney, rolling away to get the surgery had been my ultimate goal for years…
And it is not easy to find something to drive you again. Especially when your dream comes true unexpectedly.
I know, I know… “Boo-hoo-hoo, poor you, your dream came true!” right? But I did work hard for it, and I can say without being cocky that I earned it. Still, it leaves me with an empty spot for a wild dream… Something that will make me daydream and drift away when everyday life is just planin boring.
I could pick “going to Denmark again”… But it wouldn’t be the same. I know it is possible now, which I truly didn’t believe a few months back.
I could pick “getting married to Mads”… But knowing how stubborn I can be when it gets to making my dreams come true, it might get me into trouble… Then again, getting arrested by the Danish police might make another one of my dreams come true, “living in Denmark for at least a few months”!
So… What shall be my new Grail?? (Yeah… I have a feeling it will have something to do with Denmark anyway 😉 )