I am at work… (yes, wearing my golden glitter gown… We’re still taking your votes concerning the “selfie/no selfie” referendum, and so far we’re pretty neck-to-neck: OM 1 for the “yes” side… and Cyranny 1 for the “I’ll spare you” side! Your opinion matters… Let us know!! – That was a looooong aparté. Sorry!)
Even if I have a couple of things I want to write about, throwing myself in the redaction of a story is not a good idea, at this time of day… Especially if I go for part 2 of Thrice or something like that. (because it requires going to fantasyland to be in the good mood, and my boss says he doesn’t hand me a paycheck every second week to daydream at my desk – Booh him!!)
No… Can’t go serious either. Because I need to concentrate, and focus on things like putting the right words in the right boxes on the screen, and telling people the good things, and being nice, even if the retailer on the line shouldn’t have the right to use a phone.
So that leaves me with… Hmmm let me see here…
You might recognize those two orange fellows… But let me freshen up your memory!
Yeah, that’s right… Mom and Baby Clems and the picture that started the Selfiegate.
I thought I hadn’t stretched enough how small Baby Clem is… So I tried taking a picture of it in my hand…
But there’s the problem that I have small delicate hands, soooo the scaling is disappointing… I mean, Baby Clem is barely bigger than a grape (And btw, what is the link between “grapes” and “grapefruit”?? But that’s going to have to wait a bit… Maybe in another post)
I thought peeling it would give you a better idea… But no. Then again, now it makes it look like an actual tiny grape size grapefuit, sitting on its grape size grapefuit peel, sitting on the back of my tablet to have an even background.
Peeling this little one was an adventure. Its skin was so very thin I had to take my time to make sure Baby Clem would still be photogenic at the end of the process… I can say that I’m pretty proud of myself!
Here’s Baby Clem broken in two, and half of it broken into pieces… Aren’t you glad you dropped by the Cove today? I know… I really go out of my way to entertain you Lovelies… Even when work tries to get in my way, I find something!
I am feeling this time you can imagine better how tiny Baby Clem is/was. One piece could fit on my thumbnail (not a small image, no… my thumb’s nail! Follow please!) And just in case you’ve lost track of my shenanigans, I have small hands, therefore small nails… Scalling getting more accurate!! Yay!
You’ve probably noticed by now that the number of pieces is drastically dropping from picture to picture, and you are right! I’ve started eating Baby Clem… Because, well… It kind of was the whole point of buying it in the first place…
You might be questionning the fact that I am really working this afternoon. It is a tad saddening, but I can understand. I can guarantee you I am, but here are just a few facts, to make it more tangible, and believeable! Since 10 O’clock this morning, I have;
- I talked to 61 people in 61 stores so far… Not mentionning the inter-department chats with colleagues which are not taken note of in our calling center data. And not mentionning the chatting with people from my own department. That’s a lot of talking…
- Called 26 retailers to tell them we were going to visit them in two weeks for annual maintenance… All in the Montréal area, meaning lots of Asian (and don’t get me wrong, I love Asians – *heart* OM – It is just that at work, I like my Asian retailers to be ok in either one of our 2 official languages… No! I will not learn Cantonese, to fit your needs… WE’RE IN QUÉBEC)
- Sent 6 technicians on the road to solve problems I couldn’t deal with over the phone (Which is a good ratio, I think, solving 29 out of 35 problems)
- Re-directed 5 calls to other departments (because, they have to work too, and I care for them… no calls, means not working, means your-job’s-in-danger! Like on WordPress, “Sharing is caring”… I shared those 5 calls with great pleasure.)
- And through this all, NO ONE achieved to make me drop my smiley voice!
So… Yeah, that was completely useless information for you. Want me to make up for it with another shot?
Last piece, taken above knee to bring jeans background texture to the picture! Doesn’t it add a little something?
It reminded me of those Japanese girls who get paid to eat online… I’m kind of jealous. I wish I too could be paid big bucks to do something as basic and necessary as eating. But I probably couldn’t eat enough to please “watchers” and I am a bit picky about food (No thanks for seafood… No to eggs… and textures can be a problem…. ). Also, I am just guessing that the fact the girls providing the service are cute is not a coincidence… And I don’t do “cute” so… I can forget that job!
I thought about offering to film myself breathing… For a little extra, you could get me doing it “live” on Skype or something… I am really good at it, and over the years, I’ve mastered many techniques like “breathing through nose” “breathing through mouth” “breathing into a scuba” I can breathe through a straw, but it has to be pretty large. I can sneeze on command (well… I do need ground pepper, but if you’re paying, I’ll sneeze!) I breathe with my eyes closed too! You name it, I’ll give it to you! I can even do “not breathing” but not too long.
No one? Yeah, I know, the “cute” factor…
So I think I’ll stick to blogging about eating very basic stuff… I have writen more than a thousand words on a poor little clementine already… Why stop at that??
Ok, let the auction begin! Who’ll pay me 5$ to eat that?? No, not the keychain. Not the eraser… No, Mamma Clem is up! And I thought I could do it in a very romantic and poetic way, but that would be an extra 2$ for style…
Anyone? I can arrange to have a Paypal widget on my page to facilitate money transfer! Tired of clementines?…
Ok, I can offer blogging about eating a Gattuso serving, but you’ll have to put down more cash… I will have to boil water for this one, you know?? And eating things just to please you might make me gain weight, meaning I’ll have to start looking for a gym, and going to the gym is not free of charge!
It’s not like Baby Clem, which, through delicate peeling, carefull breaking into bits and pieces, chewing and digesting (IF my stomach even noticed I sent something down there), not mentionning the picture taking and post writing, probably made me loose more calories than I ingested!
I’ll let you all think about it…
Farewell Baby Clem! You’ll most likely get forgotten in a drifty, but the memory of you will always remain on The Internets!!
Lesson of the day #1: Blogging about basic food is not THAT interesting, but it does make a day of work fly by!
Lesson of the day #2: Avoid blogging about basic food at work if you don’t want sanity concerns coming from your co-workers! (No, nobody asked what I was doing… and that’s the scary part!)