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If you desire…

 11-1

I didn’t intend for this to happen. Friends, and not lovers. Lovers wanting no others.

A kiss on the cheek, your warm hands in mine, the frost bites our noses as we walk down the empty streets.

She stopped on her doorstep, neither motioning me in, nor unclasping my hands around her waist

She nestled her head into my coat, not saying anything more, than I had expected, but a sudden shiver ran down my spine.

Was this going too fast, or not fast enough. Was I. Should I. Would she. What if she….

Doubts were there enough of, but why ruin a good moment, a good thing anyways?

She started to slip away, turning her head toward the door, feeling around for her key in her pocket.

“We really should…..We really should….call it a night” said as the key met the lock, and turned the tumblers away from my hopes and fears.

I felt her move away, holding on for dear life, the last vestige of her hand in mine, as that too moved away toward the door.

“I enjoyed myself”, she would hasten to say, before the cold followed her into the warmth of the house.The tendrils of hope lashed out at the door, pulling her away, as I stood there, wanting to say something else, before the time vanished like my breath in the cold of the night…..

“You could…”, she caught herself saying something that sounded like a promise that she had made herself, before she knew what she was doing, in the hours before we met on neutral ground outside in the city.

“If you desire….” Good choice of words, if you were me that is. I focused on her face, being turned slightly away from me, but not quite in the comfort and safety of her domain, her castle. A brief moment, a flash of hope pierced my soul, making me desire her.

Desire her…..

The door closed behind her, bolting the creeping cold and night’s uncertainties behind it. She took off her coat and scarf, while considering the choices that we make, why we make them, and what they lead to in the end……

 

“You can hang your coat here”, she said. The warmness creeping back into her voice, into my mind, my heart, my night….

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