A ray of sunshine peeked through the dancing tree leaves just outside the bedroom window. She didn’t believe in curtains. She much preferred to be awakened by the rising sun than by any alarm clock.
She considered stretching out to the phone, calling in sick and spending her day in bed, but she knew it was worthless. Instead, she got up, walked to the kitchen and turned the coffee machine on, and left for the bathroom.
As the hot water ran on her skin, she imagined the feeling of his large hands sliding down to her lower back, caressing her hips before embracing her and pulling her closer to him… she wondered where her reveries would take her for a second, but she was short on time, and she temporarely chased the ghost of him away from her thoughts.
She dressed quickly, and pulled her hair into a bun. She didn’t wear jewelry, but she put light make up on… “Just in case.”
He had had some of those distant moments in the past. For days, or weeks, he had somewhat disappeared. The first times, she had fought hard to win him back. It was foolish, but she just couldn’t act any other way… This time, it was different.
She filled her water bottle, drank the last sips of her coffee mug, and headed for the door. Her job didn’t wait for personal matters, and certainly not the important clients she was meeting that morning.
Riding the city bus, her thoughts wandered again. She wondered if she had been right, this time. when he had backed up, again, without notice, she had let him flee her life without the slighest argument. Thinking, perhaps foolishly, that if he cared deep down, he’d come back, knowing he had almost given up on something good.
But maybe she had overrated the good she brought to his life. Maybe she hadn’t given as much as she had received…. Maybe, maybe, maybe not. She had no hard feeling, when she thought about him. She just felt sorrow. For not knowing what to do. For obviously not being good enough.
Off the bus, she walked mechanically, towards her office building. On her way, she had to pass in front of that Café where they had spent countless hours together. Sipping on the best dark roast brews, and reinventing the world. It wouldn’t be surprising to see him through the glass wall. He was often there, reading his morning newspaper, as she passed by. Their eyes had met, once or twice, and she had hoped he would have rushed out to join her. But he hadn’t.
She stopped just before the Café. Pretending to look for something in her purse, she peeked, and spotted him, near the window. He was so handsome, even if that was not what she missed most about him. She missed his wicked humor, and how smart he was without the slighest bit of arrogance. Above all, she loved how he made her feel special and important.
Watching him concentrated on his reading, she wished she was strong and/or stupid enough to walk in with confidence, to tell him she wanted him back. If he did return, things wouldn’t always be perfect. Her life wouldn’t change, she’d go to the same office every working day, they’d have to pay the same bills, and stand the same everyday life. But she’d be happy. If he didn’t, she couldn’t listen to the same songs, couldn’t watch the same movies… She’d have to toss away all those little things she liked that reminded her of him and the good times shared together.
She started walking again… Knowing if he didn’t come out this morning, there would always be tomorrow.
Or the day after tomorrow…