As seen on tv · Blogging · funny · Me myself and I · Thoughts

I am a super hero!

Yes I am.

Just not the type that goes around wearing a tight bodysuit, and fighting vilains after work (I would, but quite frankly, I don’t have enough free time to blog and fight vilains, so… your pick!).

Why the sudden revelation, you might wonder? Well, for some reason, I started the day watching silly infomercials. I enjoy “as seen on tv” videos, because they require just enough brain activity to keep breathing and heart pumping, so it is the ideal entertainment while waiting to fully wake up and get rid of my morning headache.

I was somewhere between “Sticky nips” (fake nipples you stick to your breast to feel, and I quote, “Wow!”) and “Perfect Polly” (a plastic parakeet, for sorry, lonely people too lazy to feed a real bird and/or clean its cage) when it struck me.

All those “OMG there’s gotta be a better way” problems don’t apply to my life. I don’t need Β an army approved flashlight that can be run over by a pickup truck. I don’t need a cushion to keep my boobs apart while I sleep. And I certainly don’t need a night light for my toilet bowl (even if it comes in 6 great shades!)

But, most obviously, some people do, because I can’t see why they would still sell those products otherwise.

So what does that make me, if not a super hero fighting daily tricky problems the good old way? And you know what, feeling super hero-ish is a pretty nice feeling…

Now, I’ve noticed one particular thing that seems to be a terrible struggle to all of you, non super hero people… Nature’s most intricate puzzle, and, judging by infomercials, a source of constant frustration…. Eggs!

I don’t eat eggs. Ok, calm down and breathe in this paper bag for a minute (I get that panic reaction a lot, don’t worry, I’m used to it.). You could think that it is the reason my life is so simple, not having to crack those complicated things open every once in a while. But the fact is that I do cook them for others from time to time, and I wouldn’t want to brag, but I am pretty much the Queen of “cracking eggs open without making a mess”!

It is obviously one of my (many) super powers, and I feel for the people out there who like their eggs but just can’t deal with them anymore. So, I’ve decided to link in a few solutions to your breakfast nightmare…

 

They said it… “If you can make toasts, you can make eggs”! If youΒ can’t make toast, write to me in private, I’ll send you a guideline!

As Wendy would say it herself… VoilΓ !

The magic behind this one is pure science! What are you waiting for?

Now, why would you want to boil your eggs in their natural shell, when you can do it in a plastic one? But if you do insist in boiling eggs “old style” you always have the Eggstractor as seen above… Your choice!

One minute in the microwave to get restaurant-like scrambled eggs! Come on! Even I am tempted….

Forget dangerous and heavy pots of boiling water!

 

Now, won’t your life be so much easier to deal with?? Yeah… You can thank super me later!

 

 

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27 thoughts on “I am a super hero!

    1. You are Super welcome, Terri πŸ˜‰ I still can’t believe I lived all these years unaware of my super powers. Now I feel obliged to help out, because it must be terrible, having to deal with such struggles…

      Thank you for your visit πŸ™‚ I hope to see you again soon around the Cove! xx

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Ok i have to agree with the egg thing. I hate eggs always have but how is it so hard to crack one open with out making a mess?
    It reminds me of the Friends episode where Joey does the infomercial where he can’t open milk.

    One point I will make is that the light for the toilet bowl actually has a few of practical uses:
    1. If you are a guy going to the the loo in the middle of the night it makes it an easier target 🎯
    2. You can go to the toilet without turning in the lights and waking up anyone else in the house.
    And 3. The most useful reason to have one. You can get up in the middle of the night go do your business and go back to bed without putting the lights on thus destroying your night vision and then having to do the blinky eyes thing because your eyes hurt from the light and you can then go back to sleep easier.

    You’re welcome πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Are you working for the toilet bowl light company? πŸ˜‰

      Excellent pitch for the light thingy… I hope it will convince “normal” people to buy it!

      I personally won’t need it, since I have a Super bladder that doesn’t need to be emptied in the middle of the night πŸ˜› LOL

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha you know I’m currently jobless but that not a bad shout probably do better than the idiots on TV.
        That happens when you get older so don’t count it out just yet.
        Also when the baby cries waking me up it’s more a case of *shrug* might as well

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Older… older… Young man, don’t forget that I AM older than you… Mouhahahahaha

        But the baby point is an excellent one. I couldn’t fight that. Made me think though…. Shouldn’t there be a “find your baby in the dark” lighting system you could strap to the little one, not to ruin your night vision when it decides to get vocal during your sleeping attempts? (smelling money from here….)

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Getting a little older everyday… πŸ˜‰

        As for the little one, I know some people settle for the little night light, but I am thinking bigger! Maybe a trail just like airplane landing strips, leading to the screaming bundle of love! People would love it!!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. πŸ™‚

        I like the “star” touch! If she is to become Master of the world, might as well get used to hang around stars πŸ˜‰ Please make sure she is aware of my super-heroness, it might come in handy when she will have to deal with the whole world’s problems!!

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I am already under the spell πŸ˜‰

        I’d like to say that mine aren’t too bad either, but the effect is somewhat ruined by the rest of the picture…. LOL I’ll have to rely on my super powers!

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Oh yeah, I’d make a great Minion!

        I’d tell you about my super powers, but I hate to brag πŸ˜‰ Maybe another day

        (search with “NKOTB Step by step”… you’ll find the tune πŸ˜‰ )

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Mouahahahahahahahahahaha If he ever does, talk him out of buying the Eggies…. My brother and I have this tradition of buying ourselves “as seen on tv” gifts for Christmas, because it is always so entertaining… But that is a real disaster! If there is one reason why eggs have shells, it is because nature wanted to prevent us from using Eggies! If he is still curious, send me your adress in private, and I’ll send them to you LOOOL Don’t – I repeat – DON’T spend a dime on that shitty product LOL

      Like

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